Day 83

Dear diary

Forget all the happiness talk I did the last days as today I am missing Niklas so much that even being with my mom all afternoon has not made my mood better. We even had Sushi from my favourite sushi place and I am still seating here crying because he has not call for 4 days. What the beep is wrong with my body. Guess I will start counting down to his home instead of our wedding. It is already late now and I do not know if I want to sleep or keep writing this dairy. I really hope that I can keep this one a secret for the world as I do not want to share so many details about my life. I want to remove all the bad things happening and only keep the good thing. What do you think, my dear almost 3 month old diary? I have no clue about why people even write this thing in the first place. Anyway you can sleep outside tonight will you are thinking about my question.

Good night diary.

Day 79

Dear diary

Thank you dear god, I think you heard my prayer doing church today as Niklas called and without going into details he talked about training more than just saying it is hard like before. He says he has not been showering for days while the general is talking about giving him, his own group of men to lead as the general feels like he can lead them. I agree with the general as I believe that too. I can feel it while he was home and the way he asked me to marry him was not just a question but an order between the kind words. I felt my heart was his so I did not care about the order in his words and I still do not. Anyway I asked him if he was going flying in stupid planes and without a single second as break he replied no because he wanted to lead the group of men instead, my mind is now more at easy so even we are not together now then I do not mind he is in the army anymore. Not sure if it is the wine or me who is writing this crap, I am sure I will be more pissed once he has not called me for a week again or something like that. Anyway the comet the scientist talked about is really getting big on the sky and I am glad to know that it is not going to hit us or I would be demanding Niklas home this instant so we could spend the last days and hours together. Another Monday is about to start so I guess I need to sleep now.

Good night diary.

Day 73

Dear diary

I miss Niklas a lot now but I guess I just have to work hard just like every other wife who has a husband in the military. I love Niklas a lot and I really hope he knows that as even I know he just training then I am worried like those wife’s who has husbands who fly for the airforce. I want to stop worrying about him but it is hard when you do not know anything about his training. He did talk about some plane when the f-16 flew over our place some time ago and he have not mentioned anything about not flying so maybe he is flying without telling me. Anyway I need to work like I normally do as those kids are not stupid and if I keep acting strange to them they will start talking about me to the other teachers and we cannot have that. Tomorrow I will be normal again and work hard being the best teacher there is for those kids. I love my job, my husband, my country so please god, do not change my life right now other than bringing home Niklas soon.

Good night diary.

Day 71

Dear diary

5th day and life is turned upside down as finally has Niklas called me again, he did not have much time but he told me that he loves me and that the training is harder than expected. I think he told me to make me laugh off him and the crazy generals plans. I missed him taking half of the bed so what can I say, I think it worked. I laughed like a maniac but he knows I do that so he was not surprise. I also miss being able to talk to him doing dinner, speaking of dinner I have still not learned to make dinner for one instead of two, guess learning habits is easy but returning to the old ones is harder. I thought it was the other way around. I called my mother right after we finished talking so now my mother is coming over for coffee tomorrow. I have been so nervous about Niklas and his training that I have been focused on work and tv. It is going to be nice talking to her tomorrow. It is only 9pm now but my eyes are heavy after days without the best sleep.

Good night diary.

Day 67

Dear diary

Sorry I have been so focused on Niklas going to the army for 6 months training and all the problems it has created. Well yesterday Niklas left as planned and now I am alone in the apartment, good thing I still have my mother I can is it from time to time. I do not know how to feel anymore as things quickly changes before we know it and I guess I need to learn that the army is Niklas work while I am working in the kindergarten. We are very different but still so good together which was why I feel in love with him 5 years ago in college. I was the nerdy girl and he was one of the lower footballer, he did not always play the matches but he was good enough for the team. I still remember the day we kissed the first time under the stadium seats. At that moment I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him. We missed prom as he was suddenly drafted to the army after his college years but I still knew that we was going to be together so even I was alone between the other students and people who was supposed to be my friends I did not care. He started earning money as part of the military job he got and I started to work at a kindergarten because it would make it easier for us to meet at times. It was a good time back then and now I just have 10 months left before I will get married with him so cannot wait to live with him forever and nothing can take him away from me. My eyes want to cry now so guess I need to sleep so I can get up for work tomorrow as it is already past midnight. He promised he would call me when he got the chance.

Good night diary.

Day 61

Dear diary

Niklas and I is better again but today Niklas got a call and even he did not want to go the general told him that he need to start his training next Monday. I am still a bit annoyed about the training but it sounds like the general has decide and not Niklas. I do not want him out of our home before we are friends again and I just realised that I was wrong in our argument as I thought that Niklas just used the general as an excuse to leave for training when he knew how much I hate the military but it was really his general who has decide to train them all. I wonder why they cannot come home doing the period. Anyway I will have some fun with Niklas now instead of being angry with him so no more diary today.

Good night diary.

Day 59

Dear diary

Niklas and I have now live together for almost 2 months and have been playing to get married in the same amount. Today we had our second argument, I am not angry at him but I am angry at the general and the rest of the goddam army. Sorry for my choice of words. Niklas told me, that the general has said that all military people has to go to the camp for 6 months training and he will maybe not get permission to come home doing that period. I am so annoyed that my mind is going crazy. After the 6 months there is around 4 months left to our weeding and we need to get all the things ready. I know 4 months is a long time but still what if he get hurt doing training so we have to go to hospital and stay there for longer periods. I know we have only planned the day but the church is very busy doing the time of the year so I am worried I cannot get a new date. I told him I wanted him here and then he can always go on training when he is back from our honey moon. We became so mad at each other that I am sleeping alone while he is out with some of his friends. I am sorry for making a mess Niklas, I just want you whole and alive for our wedding day. Anyway will try to sleep now and guess this is one of the reasons Monday is a bad day.

Good night diary.

Day 53

Dear diary

Today when I was out shopping I noticed a military truck appear and to jumped the soldiers. Each of them had a piece of paper in their hands and they ran to the nearest post and hang up the paper before running back to the truck again. I did not get to see if Niklas was part of the group so I asked him when he came home and yeah he was part of it just not in our town. I asked him what the note was about and he just said it was the general who wanted to make more people join the army and watch a military show. At first I was like wow, sounds interesting but now I am confused about it as why would they want more people when people are joining as crazy this days anyway and if it is just a show why did that not just show the show and not mention you can join. Sorry Niklas it is just a bit confusing for me. I will do my best to support you but you know I hate war and such. I am glad I have you my dear diary as if not I would maybe have a hard time sleeping. The bed is calling my name now.

Good night diary.

Day 47

Dear diary

There is not much to say today as it is just another day with work, cleaning and some news about the meteor. I watched it before I went to bed and yeah I understands why the scientists was worried that it would cause mayhem. Please continue to stay away shooting stars as I am not missing your stupid sound. If they appear again I will start sleeping with music in my ears.

Good night diary.

Day 43

Dear diary

Today was a good day, Niklas had time for me so we was in the park for a walk before leaving it and went to the beach for a swim even the water was so cold. He brought ice cream so my teeth started chatter so much he started warming me up with his own towel, leaving him wet and cold from the water. We quickly entered the car and drive home. We had plans for the evening too but sudden radio news killed the mood on the way home as they told that the scientists has found the reason for all the shooting stars which has been appeared. They said there are a meteor on the way against the earth but we did not have to worry as it will fly right past us but maybe it will give some more shooting stars. They said the reason they made it so important news was because it was the first time at meteor from another solar system would enter ours and fly though it. Normally the meteors we have flying around us are either super small or so far away it does not matter about them but this one is both unique in that plus it would be big enough to notice on the night sky as it grows doing the next 3 weeks. Niklas is calling me and the way he sounds then his mood is for sure back, not sure about mine though as the shooting stars annoys me.

Good night diary.

Day 41

Dear diary

Today was a bit weird day as even it was normal then it was still different. Niklas and I was relaxing after the day’s work and I complained to him about the kids while he talked about the military and just as he mentioned that that the airforce was looking for new pilots, we watched a pair of F-16 fly over our house. I knew he was was in the army not the airforce so did not worry much about them until he mentioned he might join them but when he saw my look in his eyes, he quickly changed and said it was just an idea he got as his squad leader had found him a great match for it but if I did not like it he would stay on the ground. I smiled and replied I would prefer his stayed on the ground but if he really wanted to go flying in the old F-16, he should know he could go if he really wanted if he promised he would take care and call every time he was going flying. He laughed at me and replied he would but he did not have any plans of going beside he would not fly the old shit but some newer plane named FX-1736z which was both faster and more safe for the pilots. I guess I better go to bed so Niklas do not get angry about the light or that his pilot dreams are in here.

Good night diary.

Day 37

Dear diary

Today is my parents 27th wedding day so off course that means my old mom is sad and down while I am more normal even he of course meant a lot to me too. The rock he gave me the day before the crash really means the world to me and I am talking to it almost daily just like I am writing down in this diary. Niklas finds me weird at times when I do that but then I just say that he went to search for a rock too and which then makes him laugh loudly. My father was a good man, he worked as geologist which was how they meet in the first place. He was out looking for rocks that he could study when my mother was out looking for flowers she could sell and by pure luck they was searching the same place. My father knew he had found the treasure when he watched my mom but he was never good with words which was one of the reasons he had become a geologist while my mother loved the nature and wanted to give people a chance to get it inside their houses. She was the speaker of the two and soon they was having milkshakes at the local bar before they really fall in love with each other. I wonder what type of rock he would give her this year as he always found the most beautiful rocks and gave her, I guess he would have found the meteorite before Niklas unless they have decide to go hunting together. I never knew that Niklas liked rocks before he wanted to search for the meteorite but guess you learn something new every day. I spend a hour with my mom on the phone because she needed to talk about father so now I miss you too. She would not come because she was busy in the shop because of a weeding but we still found time to visit your grave. I do not know what happened to you other than that car crash. Live never ends the way you expect it too. Now I will sleep while holding your beautiful rock in my hands.

Good night diary.

Day 31

Dear diary

It is weird to think that not long ago there was shooting stars on every clear evening while now they are just as rare as they was before. By now things are more normal as much they can be when you have a famous husband. I have already been asked by 10 different parents about him now and none of them seemed to care much about me before unless something major had happen for their little child. I hate parents at times, but I love spending time with the kids, I wonder if I get to become a good mother or I will become just as awful as them. Niklas says that I shall close my diary for the night as he cannot sleep because of the light for the lamp but I do not mind so I just left him alone in the bed and went down to the kitchen table to have some warm tea and continue writing. I have coffee with my mom doing my lunch break once more as Niklas was called to the army to talk about the rock but that is life I guess. I cannot be with him all the time even I want to. I wish some of his famous rock find dropped some of the magic on me so I could get some more friends instead of just being the future wife who is asked about him. I love him so I guess I should not care much about it and now I will go to bed so he does not feel like I am annoyed on him.

Good night diary.