Day 83

Dear diary

Forget all the happiness talk I did the last days as today I am missing Niklas so much that even being with my mom all afternoon has not made my mood better. We even had Sushi from my favourite sushi place and I am still seating here crying because he has not call for 4 days. What the beep is wrong with my body. Guess I will start counting down to his home instead of our wedding. It is already late now and I do not know if I want to sleep or keep writing this dairy. I really hope that I can keep this one a secret for the world as I do not want to share so many details about my life. I want to remove all the bad things happening and only keep the good thing. What do you think, my dear almost 3 month old diary? I have no clue about why people even write this thing in the first place. Anyway you can sleep outside tonight will you are thinking about my question.

Good night diary.

Day 79

Dear diary

Thank you dear god, I think you heard my prayer doing church today as Niklas called and without going into details he talked about training more than just saying it is hard like before. He says he has not been showering for days while the general is talking about giving him, his own group of men to lead as the general feels like he can lead them. I agree with the general as I believe that too. I can feel it while he was home and the way he asked me to marry him was not just a question but an order between the kind words. I felt my heart was his so I did not care about the order in his words and I still do not. Anyway I asked him if he was going flying in stupid planes and without a single second as break he replied no because he wanted to lead the group of men instead, my mind is now more at easy so even we are not together now then I do not mind he is in the army anymore. Not sure if it is the wine or me who is writing this crap, I am sure I will be more pissed once he has not called me for a week again or something like that. Anyway the comet the scientist talked about is really getting big on the sky and I am glad to know that it is not going to hit us or I would be demanding Niklas home this instant so we could spend the last days and hours together. Another Monday is about to start so I guess I need to sleep now.

Good night diary.

Day 73

Dear diary

I miss Niklas a lot now but I guess I just have to work hard just like every other wife who has a husband in the military. I love Niklas a lot and I really hope he knows that as even I know he just training then I am worried like those wife’s who has husbands who fly for the airforce. I want to stop worrying about him but it is hard when you do not know anything about his training. He did talk about some plane when the f-16 flew over our place some time ago and he have not mentioned anything about not flying so maybe he is flying without telling me. Anyway I need to work like I normally do as those kids are not stupid and if I keep acting strange to them they will start talking about me to the other teachers and we cannot have that. Tomorrow I will be normal again and work hard being the best teacher there is for those kids. I love my job, my husband, my country so please god, do not change my life right now other than bringing home Niklas soon.

Good night diary.

Day 71

Dear diary

5th day and life is turned upside down as finally has Niklas called me again, he did not have much time but he told me that he loves me and that the training is harder than expected. I think he told me to make me laugh off him and the crazy generals plans. I missed him taking half of the bed so what can I say, I think it worked. I laughed like a maniac but he knows I do that so he was not surprise. I also miss being able to talk to him doing dinner, speaking of dinner I have still not learned to make dinner for one instead of two, guess learning habits is easy but returning to the old ones is harder. I thought it was the other way around. I called my mother right after we finished talking so now my mother is coming over for coffee tomorrow. I have been so nervous about Niklas and his training that I have been focused on work and tv. It is going to be nice talking to her tomorrow. It is only 9pm now but my eyes are heavy after days without the best sleep.

Good night diary.

Day 67

Dear diary

Sorry I have been so focused on Niklas going to the army for 6 months training and all the problems it has created. Well yesterday Niklas left as planned and now I am alone in the apartment, good thing I still have my mother I can is it from time to time. I do not know how to feel anymore as things quickly changes before we know it and I guess I need to learn that the army is Niklas work while I am working in the kindergarten. We are very different but still so good together which was why I feel in love with him 5 years ago in college. I was the nerdy girl and he was one of the lower footballer, he did not always play the matches but he was good enough for the team. I still remember the day we kissed the first time under the stadium seats. At that moment I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him. We missed prom as he was suddenly drafted to the army after his college years but I still knew that we was going to be together so even I was alone between the other students and people who was supposed to be my friends I did not care. He started earning money as part of the military job he got and I started to work at a kindergarten because it would make it easier for us to meet at times. It was a good time back then and now I just have 10 months left before I will get married with him so cannot wait to live with him forever and nothing can take him away from me. My eyes want to cry now so guess I need to sleep so I can get up for work tomorrow as it is already past midnight. He promised he would call me when he got the chance.

Good night diary.

Day 61

Dear diary

Niklas and I is better again but today Niklas got a call and even he did not want to go the general told him that he need to start his training next Monday. I am still a bit annoyed about the training but it sounds like the general has decide and not Niklas. I do not want him out of our home before we are friends again and I just realised that I was wrong in our argument as I thought that Niklas just used the general as an excuse to leave for training when he knew how much I hate the military but it was really his general who has decide to train them all. I wonder why they cannot come home doing the period. Anyway I will have some fun with Niklas now instead of being angry with him so no more diary today.

Good night diary.

Day 59

Dear diary

Niklas and I have now live together for almost 2 months and have been playing to get married in the same amount. Today we had our second argument, I am not angry at him but I am angry at the general and the rest of the goddam army. Sorry for my choice of words. Niklas told me, that the general has said that all military people has to go to the camp for 6 months training and he will maybe not get permission to come home doing that period. I am so annoyed that my mind is going crazy. After the 6 months there is around 4 months left to our weeding and we need to get all the things ready. I know 4 months is a long time but still what if he get hurt doing training so we have to go to hospital and stay there for longer periods. I know we have only planned the day but the church is very busy doing the time of the year so I am worried I cannot get a new date. I told him I wanted him here and then he can always go on training when he is back from our honey moon. We became so mad at each other that I am sleeping alone while he is out with some of his friends. I am sorry for making a mess Niklas, I just want you whole and alive for our wedding day. Anyway will try to sleep now and guess this is one of the reasons Monday is a bad day.

Good night diary.

Day 53

Dear diary

Today when I was out shopping I noticed a military truck appear and to jumped the soldiers. Each of them had a piece of paper in their hands and they ran to the nearest post and hang up the paper before running back to the truck again. I did not get to see if Niklas was part of the group so I asked him when he came home and yeah he was part of it just not in our town. I asked him what the note was about and he just said it was the general who wanted to make more people join the army and watch a military show. At first I was like wow, sounds interesting but now I am confused about it as why would they want more people when people are joining as crazy this days anyway and if it is just a show why did that not just show the show and not mention you can join. Sorry Niklas it is just a bit confusing for me. I will do my best to support you but you know I hate war and such. I am glad I have you my dear diary as if not I would maybe have a hard time sleeping. The bed is calling my name now.

Good night diary.