Day 487

Dear diary

Today I will be a short one as my mind is hurt and tired now. I am a begging God to stop me from having nightmares another night. Dan is trying to help me the best he can be even he is not making my mood as great as he did before. I am not sure what is happening inside my head but got some painkillers and some sleeping pills which I took an half hour ago and I am yawning like an alcoholic unable to stop drinking so will cut off now

Goodnight

Day 479

Dear diary

Today we have given up on the testing of me and the rock so we asked Dan’s boss permission to leave the research centre to look for more rocks or rather that is what we are telling them. In reality we are just trying to escape the centre for a while so I can get some fresh air and we can get some time alone. We got permission to go alone as we told them it would perhaps be best to be alone up there instead of sending an entire army up there. Dan have been training to use a rifle and I got permission to talk the rock with me as I pretended that it I needed for the mission to be succeeded. I feel bad for lying to them but they was the ones who talks about sending me back to my father without Dan or the rock. I hope we find something to give them and to make my stay longer as I know I did not want to stay at first but now I will not leave without Dan. Anyway need to pack and sleep as I am sure I need it for tomorrow.

Goodnight

Day 467

Dear diary

Life is a mix of good and bad thingsā€¦ I am not sure if there is any meanings in them other that get the most out of them like today. I am have been doing the best to figure out the rocks together with Dan and today we got called for a meeting with the high command or what to call them when they are all researchers of some kind or so I think. Anyway the meeting was about that they was worried about being attacked by other humans because of me and the rock. I understand that but they wanted Dan to stay her because he was not an army man and because that they would still keep the rock here, and only sending me back because they felt it would be an amazing way to trick the enemies. I was so mad that I almost threw the chair I was sitting on against them but Dan managed to calm me down and made us come out from the meeting without an escort or what else the so called high command. He tried everything to calm me down when we returned to his sleeping quarters but I feel like they are using me like some weapon and not the human that I am. Yes we are not sleeping together yet even things are going well between us plus I am not sure high command would like a woman and man to sleep together as most people are sleeping different quarters depending on what sex they are. Back to what Dan did to make quiet in the end, he kissed me and now I am flying to the moon and back as he is a great kisser and I did not have a bad taste in my mouth doing it because of Niklas. Now I can sleep in peace.

Goodnight

Day 463

Dear diary

Two days and no new progress of the rock and sounds like we need to work harder finding out what is making the rock work as my father has been injured by attacks and no I am not talking about the aliens but other humans who keep trying to get their hands on the rocks. I guess the enemy did not know that my father was the one who found the first and only rock so far because why else would they try to hurt and kill him unless they know that I am here. Normally I would not think those thought but my father told me that he had to stop sending massages to me for a while on orders from his chef. I guess I can manage now that I have Dan but still depressing to hear about other humans not helping humans but instead make the aliens job more easy. I was so pissed when I read the message about the attack that I think I scared Dan even that he does not seem like one who can be scared easily. I completely forgot to tell you that the electrodes is a funny felling to be wearing and because they need to sure that they are not disrupted I am doing the rock analyse only wearing underwear and thin t-shirt. I am sure that Dan enjoy the sight but we had to talk about that I had lost a baby before I even wanted to get so naked in front of him and the others. Anyway it is getting late.

Goodnight

Day 461

Dear diary

It feels good to feel love once more but still hard to kiss a person who is not Niklas, thankfully is Dan respecting me and is not forcing me to do anything I won’t do. Maybe he has lost a wife too to the aliens, I do not know, have not asked much about his life before the aliens but I know that he has a brother in the army and that his parents died long before the aliens arrived. I am so happy that the bond between us is just growing day by day. Another great news is that I made the rock fire a beam for 10 seconds or so. I am not sure of how I managed to firing so tomorrow we will start having some electrodes on my body while trying again as until now we thought the rock power was something I did like making it warm or similar but now we guess it is a feeling. Now I will go over and have some time with Dan before bedtime.

Goodnight

Day 457

Dear diary

Today was my first day not being tested from top to bottom as I got permission to join a group of me, Dan and a few others to go to the surface and see if we could find some rocks as there had been shooting stars sights and we hope some of them gave the rocks we need even that we still have not found out how to use them yet but I guess more rock gives me a bit more free time. The boss of the research centre together with my father’s chef is getting a bit annoyed every time that we still have not fired the rock yet. They even talk about it might be fake or that I am an imposter. I know it works and I am not an imposter beside if I was then I would blame my father as he was the one giving me the rock and he was the one getting blamed from being a mole. All this non-sense makes me having a great idea for how to test it tomorrow but I before I know if it works or not I will keep it a secret from you, my dear diary, but I can tell you another secret I have been unsure if my feelings for Dan was because I missed the feeling of someone who cared for me together with the loss of Niklas or if it was true love and I have decide to ask Dan for his feeling tomorrow, right after the tests.

Goodnight

Day 449

Dear diary

Today a few soldiers returned from the surface with injuries and a dead body which reminded me of what we are doing here and why I am here. The man reminded me of Niklas as well so I am crying while writing this but I am determent to work even hard to make the rock work soon again so we can get the upper hand in this battle against the aliens. I also think I have another reason on why I am thinking of Niklas and it is because I am started to have feelings for Dan and I worried something bad will happen to him like with Dan plus I guess I am not completely over the love I had for Dan even his is dead or rather I do not know that for sure but I hope so as I do not want him to suffer in the hands of the aliens. I have told my father this on our daily news sharing and I wonder if he can respect that I love a guy I am working with who is not in the army. I also asked him if he misses mom as I think that might help him understand my feelings for Dan. I hope my mind won’t give me nightmares because of the blood and dead I have seen today but I can say it really make me focus even harder on the tests we are doing and I am also trying to get ideas of what else I can do to help instead of only feeling like I am the guinea pig in this world.

Goodnight

Day 443

Dear diary

I guess I need to learn that some periods of my life will be bad while other periods of my life will be good as today Dan told me that we are going to the ground just him, me and a soldier to burry Niklas or rather a t-shirt I had from him so I can finally burry him for good and yes I know I told I did that last year but the event was taken place around aliens and not humans as now. Another great news is that I have gotten news from my father, he is still alive and they have found out he was not the mole but some other person so he is back at helping the army getting more rocks and learn about its powers. He will not visit me as the research centre I am on is too secret plus his chef found it best to have to places where the rocks and its powers are getting research as the attacks from other humans are making it a bit unsafe only to have it one place in case they have more moles. I guess I will be having a hard time sleeping tonight because of all the good things happening so quickly now. I think I will take a shower and go visit Dan now as I do not want this day to end.

Goodnight