Dear diary

I do not know what to write today as I am have just been lazy all day because the midwife Rosetta found it a bad idea to do anything wild when I had the baby inside. Niklas cares so much about our future baby that he demanded that I just stayed in this bed thing and eat the food that he brings me. Funny how a new woman can change so many things in in so short time. I feel that I love Niklas so I guess I have no reason to write this but Rosetta is older than both me and Niklas so no worries about him suddenly cheats on me with her but maybe one of his army guys wants her or maybe the guy who tried to rape me, wants her. I wonder what happened to him as he left the camp as told and we have not seen any dead body that looks like him even we have seen tanks, jeeps and soldiers death or destroyed anywhere. I have seen kids too but I try not to focus on them and just focus on my own life and the future as I cannot change what happens doing the alien war anyway as I am no soldier plus I am almost 28 weeks pregnant if I have not miss counted. So I am just trying to be a woman in this mess. The shooting stars on the sky cannot decide if they want to come a lot or want to stay away and those who come has been coming lately has been silence so all good except for the red lasers in the sky. I wonder if they are laser weapons like those in Star Wars or not. I would ask Niklas but I am not sure I would get an answer from him. Anyway Niklas is here now so I wanna rest with him.

Good night diary

Dear diary

Niklas found a room full of canned food so now he is sending out his men to look for survivors as he still wants to complete the mission that army has put out for him and his men. Because of the ammo we found I have gotten permission to try fire a few rounds. It is a bit hard while carrying a baby too but I manage to hit the target anyway. Not inside the centre like I would normally but still close enough to hopefully kill the alien. I wanted to shoot more times but one of the soldiers returned with a woman named Rosetta, who happened to be a midwife, who told me that I needed rest instead of shooting guns. She said that the noise from the gun would maybe make the baby be born deaf. I have never heard about such nonsense before but before I could do anything against it was Niklas taken away my gun and told me go rest like the woman said. I did as she told and she came up to me and felt with her fingers on her belly to figure out if it everything was good inside. Rosetta said she would not be able to tell for sure without the right equipment but what she could feel, felt right. I was so happy that I almost forgot I was angry at her for getting my gun taken away. Niklas and I decide talk about names afterwards and he thought it could be nice the name him after my father Brain if it was a boy. I was happy he wanted to honour my father if it was a boy. Do you have a good name if a girl too I asked and he smiled, what about Juno and I was smiling all over my face as I had always dreamt of a child named Juno, but have not told Niklas yet. Anyway it is time to watch stars one more night while being on guard post together with Niklas.

Good night diary

Dear diary

Today was another day of good and bad news and since I am the write and so far the only reader of this novel I have decide to just mix of the news and tell then in one story. We have found the airport where the planes arrived from but the place has already been destroyed by the aliens, which of course is sad and bad for humans but we found a lot of food to eat and other good things such as ammo for the guns and rifles we are using to defend ourself with. Guess the aliens did not destroy it as they did not know what we used it for. My legs hurts like crazy now and I am glad to finally rest again after all our walking the past days. I am sure my baby is thinking that too. Niklas is trying to figure out if this was the airport the places was from or if it is an other one. The high command is not answering his calls so I guess he is also worried if things are bad with the army. I am a little worried myself but as long as I am with Niklas I do not care much about the events around us no matter if it is sad, more destruction or what ever those aliens can find out. It been a long time since I had the chance to focus on the star without fall asleep right away so I guess I will do that after writing this diary. The baby is for sure alive and kicking so maybe I will try to get Niklas to join us so we can be a family again before bed time.

Good night diary

Dear diary

It has been a quiet week since the civilians left the area. Niklas has been sending out his men trying to get the back but it has been hard to track them plus those they found was still not ready to return so now we are just trying to live our own lives even that high command told Niklas to find so many civilians as possible. I am confused about why Niklas and the men did not follow them. I even asked Niklas about and he said there is nothing safe around her so as long the food is in from of fish and others things then he would not leave. I guess that people can have their mind set in one thing until some event changes it and today we watched 2 planes fly over our heads. Niklas quickly decide he want us to follow them even we had no idea of where they came from or where they was going. I do not mind about this but we have to think of my pregnancy so I cannot march or what type of walking the soldiers normal do. Maybe if we are lucky they are guiding us to the army we are waiting for or something even better. Niklas says they have to be close to an airport or aircraft carrier even that our minds do not remember any airports nearby or water big enough for the carrier. We have been walking 30kilometres the way they was flying and both my feet and belly hurts so badly. I wish we could find a car to drive. I forgot to say it was a protector plane or rather two so they would not be alone according to what Niklas know about the planes with such short notices. I want to sleep now so I can walk even more tomorrow.

Good night diary

Dear diary

Now we are only 4 people in the camp. Do not worry, we have not been attack by aliens or other ways of getting killed by the guy, I think his name was Matt, who was the temporary leader while we checked out the outpost, has been talking and asking the civilians around us if they believe in Niklas and his 3 remaining soldiers can defend them against the aliens once more if they come back. Surprisingly none of the civilians except me feels safe even I was the one who almost get raped and the only person who is pregnant as most of the others is guys. Niklas tried to calm down the people but it did not work so instead he tried to use force which was a bad idea as it just ended up making the other people feel like they was force to stay even that Niklas just tried to explain them that things was not safe outside the camp. In the end I had to step in to stop him and Matt from fighting each other which made Niklas ask me if I wanted to stay with him or go with the civilians. My heart dropped as I felt that it was the most stupid question he could ask in the whole wide world as I love him so much that I will stay until the end and beside how would the civilians defend themselves without guns or anything else with power. Matt said that he would rather take the chance to find the army we was waiting for instead of staying in the area after the aliens attack. So far we had no reason to believe that the aliens would attack again after they was fought back the first time and beside the camp was still a mess now so why would they even think humans would live there and lastly why would they come outside the town once more. Matt was not giving up his plan off leaving so they left without us and now I am back to sleep under some blanket we use as tent and all is more quiet without the 15 or so civilians also trying to sleep.

Good night diary

Dear diary

Guess one accident never comes alone even it has been a few days since Niklas forces out one of his soldiers out of the camp because he tried to rape me. I am still glad Niklas managed to spare his life and who knows maybe he comes back. Anyway the reason I said that one accident never happens alone is because today the aliens found us and destroyed most of the camp so even it is raining I am sleeping outside tonight. They destroyed our camp pretty badly but for some reason only a few of us was hurt doing the fight so not sure what they really wanted to do as if I was an enemy force, trying to conquer a world I would not stop after destroying the camp. Anyway I am happy they did and tomorrow we will start to rebuild the things as Niklas finds the place too good to leave behind. I am not sure I should write this but I overheard Niklas do a count of ammo and it does not sound good so I hope some army soon arrives and save us unless we have to go somewhere to find it. The only problem about that is that we are round 2 days from the mall and as you know the mall is not safe for us as it is inside the town. I guess I just have to start praying for the good things to start happening even that I am super happy Niklas and I is together. The attack made me believe in god once more. I am normally not praying every evening but starting today I am and will not stop before the war is over or I am dead. I hope the night will be peaceful as the rain really makes my eyes heavy even that my belly is being kicked from the inside.

Good night diary

Dear diary

I do not know how to write this down on paper, let alone clean it from my mind as I am so chocked about what happened that I do not know what to say or think. Niklas did the right thing by not shooting him as even we are still a man less because of it then we cannot waste human lives when there is an alien war going on. I guess I can make myself write it now. One of Niklas’s men tried to rape me earlier today by forcing down my pants and panties before bending me over. I managed to scream for help before he could do anything naughty against me and in the next Niklas is there pulling him away. The man said sorry right away but Niklas did not listen at first and just pulled him away from me and the tent so I could get my clothes back on in peace. A heard a gunshot and for a moment I thought he had decide to shot the man but he was just going to explain every body that we was not going to do things like this in the camp and then he decides to kick the man out of the camp with only his outfit, a small handgun, a knife and some food. The man asked to come back and he even tried to look at me with sorry eyes but I was too hurt back then to even care about his faint. I am glad that Niklas did not shoot him even I was the one who was getting hurt and I know I am repeating myself but we need to show ourself as humans or the aliens will win soon. I hope that I can sleep without nightmares now.

Good night diary

Dear diary

The soldier, Niklas and I have no been at the place high command told Niklas to go for 4 days and even with all the searching that Niklas and his soldiers has done, we have found nothing that indicates that their have been soldiers here recently. The noice from the building slowly breaking into more pieces is more annoying that the sound of the shooting starts so I have asked Niklas when we are going back to the camp and at first he was like that I could just have stayed back there if I did not want to be here in the first place but now after high command could not give him new info, he has decide to full back as he felt the civilians was in need of him instead. The high command sounded pissed in the other end but Niklas just turned it off and kiss my forehead and belly before walking out to his men and told them to pack their things so they were ready to go back to the forest at first sun light tomorrow. Not one of them asked or said anything against the order so guess I am not the only one who wants to go home. Of other things then no much have happened here, last night it rained but house we are sleeping in, managed to keep us dry even it had a big hole in the roof. The baby is still kicking but I have no idea how it is inside there now as I do not have any midwife or books to read about pregnancy because of those stupid aliens. I asked Niklas if we could go to the library in a new by town but he would not waste resources on trying to find a bot about and because I did not want to argue with him so quickly after our last one I decide to let him win. I think everything is going well anyway because why else would my belly grow and still being able to feel him kicking. I guess Niklas will sleep with a hand on my belly again tonight.

Good night diary

Dear diary

Today I am so annoyed if not pissed as today I overheard Niklas getting new orders from high command and they were to help some soldiers in an outpost 2 days away from here, just because every thing is too slow here. I do not mind that Niklas has to do his job as the army tell him to do but that he is going to try doing it without telling me he is leaving and when I finally make him say that he is leaving then I cannot get permission to join him because he finds me a perfect leader for the civilians. Like I care about any of them if I am not having Niklas around me too. Then Niklas uses the excuse that I am pregnant which was the final straw and I tell him that he is not going anywhere without me. The yelling voice of mine, makes him finally understand how much I care for him and that I am not leaving his side again. One of the other civilians overhears our argument and quickly says that he can be the leader while we travel to the outpost to figure out what is going on down there. Niklas want to say no to the man but he knows that he is out of options so we are leaving tomorrow and the man, Matt, I guess is the leader of the civilians until we return. My eyes are full of tears at the moment and I am sad that Niklas and I had to argue about his job, guess I just cannot continue my life without him and if he is going to die, I want to be near him with it happens.

Good night diary

Dear diary

It is now the first evening in the forest near spring water lake and we had fish for dinner as the lake is full of fish. I guess the numbers has grown a lot doing the days without people having chance to do any fishing. The fish taste so much better than the can food that we have been having lately. The camp is still pretty small, I think we are around 15 civilians and five soldiers including Niklas and I. I do not know how their high command expected the five soldier to search an entire town for survivors but I am not a soldier so I do not get to ask those questions. We have not been attack by the aliens yet so guess that is good. I hope I am not jinx it now that I said it. The place is already nice as we have a few tents for all the people, Niklas told me to join the civilians in the tents as he and the soldiers had to sleep outside tonight. Guess that would be the first night since we found each other that he will not sleep with his hands on my belly. I wanted to sleep outside but he was not sure it would be good for the baby. I am the female here and the baby have survived attacks from aliens and such already, so I am not worried about it, beside I have missed him so much while he has been gone so I do not want to leave him. Anyway my energy is low from all the camping set up and so on, so will sleep now.

Good night diary

Dear diary

Niklas has finally got permission to travel to the spring water lake and forest area by their high command and I don’t think it is not a moment too early as food is disappearing quickly when you are so many people. We still have plenty but we need something from the trip too as it might take a day or two to get there when we have to hide for the aliens and their machines. I am feeling ready to go but we have decide to go early in the morning instead of this evening. The shooting stars have appeared once more and this time it was just a single one so I believe that it was a good omen about tomorrow instead of more of those aliens. Yes, Niklas talks about that the army has a theory about that the shooting stars was how they entered our world without showing up on our radars and such. I wanted to asked him more about it but my mind was a bit worried to continue as he was one of the people who found the comets who had hit the earth. I am feeling more safe now as he kissed me like he did the day he asked to marry me and he still has plans to do so if the high command will allow him. I guess I have to wait but he promised to be protecting us until then. I asked why not now but he says it is hard to do without a priest which made me ask the other civilians if any of them was a priest but none of them was so like I said I guess to wait. That was the major events for today I guess.

Good night diary

Dear diary

Niklas tells me we cannot go to spring water lake and forrest yet because they have been told to keep searching for survivors and food in the area so the army can set up a new base in the area soon. I asked him if we could go back to the bunker, as I was sure the aliens would not attack the same place twice but Niklas told me that was the first place that he had been searching for me and with all the death people in the area, he would not go there again. He continued and told me that the bunker had also been hit by the laser so not much space for the survivors. I guess I understand his problems, he is a good leader to his men and he is doing his best to help the civilians too. I am started to wonder what is going to happen to the earth, are we going to win the war and will people keep working together afterwards or are we going to lose the war and get destroyed. If we get destroyed what will the aliens do to the earth, make it a parking lot for their space ships? Or maybe they are here to save the nature that we could help. I hope this will be the last wars as all the innocent people who has died so far, cannot died in vain for world peace. My mind is so crazy now that I cannot sleep even I need to because my baby needs me fresh for whatever events which will happened tomorrow.

Good night diary

Dear diary

The past two days has been wonderful as I am together with Niklas once more and we are talking about everything which has happened to me and our future child. We have not talked much about his life since we last was together but guess I do not want to know either. I also feel more safe with Niklas around than I was with the stranger soldiers. Not that I did not respect the others I just felt that they did see me as a woman and you never know what kind of things goes though the head of a man who had been though war. Niklas is the leader of the group so the rest of soldiers follows his command and at the moment we are searching for two things, survivors and food. I showed them the mall and we got a lot of food from there but as I knew when I was with the civilians the mall are not a safe place for us to be so we need a new place. Niklas says that the aliens are mainly attacking towns full of people so maybe we will travel the water spring lake and the forest around it as we can catch fish there and we will not be near any town. I find it a good idea but I need help but he says he will help me in anyway he can. I guess Niklas is so happy he found me alive as his hands does not leave my belly once doing the night except for the hours he has to guarding the area we sleep in. I am so happy that he found me when he did as things would have been bad if he had not. Thanks god. 

Good night diary

Dear diary

Today I am so happy that I did not go back to Niklas base but instead went to the mall instead as you never guess who found me there. Niklas plus a small group of soldiers, they are the only one who survived the attack on their base which was attack around the same time as the outpost I had been living in. Niklas had just returned to the base because been called back but by the aliens attacked the base before he could reach it and he happened to find the man who had been answering all my calls about Niklas and he had told Niklas about the outpost. Niklas had searched the outpost and had been super worried for me when he could not find my body between the dead. He decide to go to the mall after a few days of thinking and now we are together once more. Of course I have told him the happy news of him being the father of our child and he was so happy. Brain was happy too as he started kicking so much, all the men got a chance to feel the life from him, removing some of the sorrow they was carrying. Their eyes told me enough so have not asked Niklas about their missions and now he is sleeping next to me while holding a hand on my belly. I guess I will sleep now too as I have no idea of what tomorrow will bring to us.

Good night diary

Dear diary

I should be dead but somehow I am alive. I should be looking for food and not write this stupid diary. Sorry diary I cannot focus my mind right now as the outpost was just attacked but somehow I escaped by getting down in the servers and have not seen a soul in 4 hours now and the sounds from explosions and what ever else a battle brings has died out too. I am so alone now and I am wondering if I should go back to the ground level as I am never going to be found by either humans or aliens down here. I only have the gun that Adam gave me, maybe I should just use it and end my life as I am so alone in this world and war. No news from Niklas, Viola or the army bass for that matter. No I will not give up I will travel to Niklas base tomorrow and wait for him there but first I need to sleep if my mind will let me sleep and escape those horrors which just happened. I am not sure why we did not get sent there in the first place, maybe the soldiers was too out number to save us or maybe they was enjoying having women nearby. Beep, no one gave me a chance to survive doing the attack but still I m the only one alive now. I lost my phone so cannot listen to music to calm my head and I am sure even you can feel my scared feelings now, my dear baby. Mommy loves you and I will survive for you and Niklas. Sorry I even thought of ending my life, I won’t do that mistake again. I most sleep now and stop thinking, or rather the other way around.

Good night diary

Dear diary

I completely forgot to write you today, guess my mind was somewhere else as life is just slow here and it was a nice dream until a certain baby woke me up with his tiny steps from inside my belly. I am so happy that I started cry when it first happened earlier today, right after a former midwife told me that it was the time for me to stop working and focus on myself and the baby. She told me, it was pretty normal to feel them now so I was so happy I felt them too as I have been a bit worried about him inside. Yes I have the feeling it is a boy and I will named him after my father Brian if Niklas returns if not I will name him Niklas after his father. I hope his favourite colour will be Turquoise like me so he can get the rock my father gave me so he can keep the family legacy. I hope you get a longer life than your grandfather and promise me, no cars. Yes little one, you need to sleep now so I can be fresh and full of energy tomorrow and take care of you while waiting for your father. I know I know, you want to meet him and if I was laying on my belly I am sure you would carry me all the way to him this instant but it is night and we need to sleep now in the moonlight and the sound of Mike Oldfield playing his famous Moonlight shadow once more.

Good night diary

Dear diary

If I did not know better I would say that the war was already over as nothing have happened the past days other than a small trip to the mall to check for food and other necessary things which I told you about yesterday. I am still sore in my body for the walk even it was not that far or hard but we have to walk together. I am not sure if it is the hormones from the pregnancy or if I am really happy but I am started to smile a lot more and the eyes that I felt looking down on me has either stopped or have never been there in the first place. Guess the only issue I am having at the moment was Adam attempt to become my new husband as for some reason he likes my looks even that I am with another mans baby. I told him right away that even I am having no idea about Niklas then he is never going to take his place as he is way to old for me. Adam looked fine after a firm no and I had no reason to pull my gun, guess he was still missing his old wife or what he had before the aliens as seen him drink a lot when talking about love. I miss Niklas so much and I hope that he soon finds his way here or somehow contacts me. Anyway time for my even music as they shooting stars has appeared again, I wonder if they really are rocks falling to the shy or something else but I am not in mood to focus on the bad things as I want my child to feel great inside my tummy.

Good night diary

Dear diary

We have now been at the outpost for few days and it is kinda small so I have no idea why we did not just stayed in the mall when the food was there and other than no soldiers around, life was pretty good. Adam has decide that I will be the second in command of the civilians. Not sure why that matters so much to him now we are part of an army group so we do not get to decide anything anymore plus I am not able to hide my pregnancy anymore even I wanted to because I feel like people are looking down on me after learning it, maybe they have been looking at me all the time and maybe they are tried of this war against the aliens. Which reminds me it is funny to think that around 200 days ago no one knew anything about aliens and we was all in peace with the universe while still fighting ourselves and by ourselves I mean human against human. Now we are walking together if the news from the soldiers are believed. Before that it was the army with the strongest weapon who would win. I am not sure I wanted a war against the aliens but I am happy that the world connected when needed instead of acting like monkeys. I am still surprised that we have not lost the war yet even after all the reddish lasers on the sky. Speaking of skies, I am going to sleep with music in my ears as those annoying shooting stars has reappeared, guess it is good to have your music collection somewhere else than all that streaming places which are down now. Too bad, I did not do that to any movies or I would for sure have been a popular woman. I will listen to the music even the soldiers told me not to as we need to be prepared in case the aliens attack, don’t worry my love, the headset is far from noise cancelling so I will wake up by your first scream. Night my dear fellow humans.

Good night diary

Dear diary

Today I almost shot a man, not that I am killer or that I wanted to but a group of soldier appeared in the edge of my sight from my view point at the rooftop of the mall. They was suddenly there and the way they acted when I noticed them I thought they were aliens. I hit the ground beside the first man and he has already laughed twice with Adam about it so guess he is not complaining about a female shooter. They talked about that they have a small outpost not far from here and they was here searching for food. I used the chance to ask if they knew anything about Niklas or his base but they was from far away here so they did not even know what area they was in. Even they did not bring any news about Niklas I am still happy that they are army guys as I felt that they are way better to defend us than we are. We will stay here for the night and tomorrow we will travel to their outpost where I will maybe use the secret lines to call Niklas base and get some news. I miss him and my mother but I have no idea of how to call her, she is not answering her phone but I do not know if it is the network or her phone itself. I will try to get some rest as it is starting to get hard walking with this baby and need some energy for the walk tomorrow if there is far to the outpost.

Good night diary

Dear diary

I guess things are going the right way as even we have found no outpost yet we have made our own as we have managed to travel to a mall which is not completely destroyed and still have food in big quantities so even we not are 30 people, things look bright again. Of course we still need to be on a look out for the aliens as I am sure they will know we will search for places like that unless they do not sleep or eat like we do. Sometimes the nights are noisy as hell so I guess they maybe are not or maybe they are so many that they can rest the day soldiers and attack with new ones doing the night. We have still not been able to see them so I have no idea what we are fighting against. I do not really want to know as even I am on guard duty I would prefer not to fire my gun as I am worried what the sounds will do to my baby, speaking of which it is getting harder because of my belly to walk around and I am a bit worried that the others have notice my belly and think about leaving me behind. Good that we found the mall with so much food and so far leader Adam has not told me any bad rumours about me as I feel he would be the first to tell me if the other’s was annoyed on me. Maybe my status as shooter still protects me, who knows. Anyway I need to sleep now so I can wake up at 3am for another night guard.

Good night diary