Day 449

Dear diary

Today a few soldiers returned from the surface with injuries and a dead body which reminded me of what we are doing here and why I am here. The man reminded me of Niklas as well so I am crying while writing this but I am determent to work even hard to make the rock work soon again so we can get the upper hand in this battle against the aliens. I also think I have another reason on why I am thinking of Niklas and it is because I am started to have feelings for Dan and I worried something bad will happen to him like with Dan plus I guess I am not completely over the love I had for Dan even his is dead or rather I do not know that for sure but I hope so as I do not want him to suffer in the hands of the aliens. I have told my father this on our daily news sharing and I wonder if he can respect that I love a guy I am working with who is not in the army. I also asked him if he misses mom as I think that might help him understand my feelings for Dan. I hope my mind won’t give me nightmares because of the blood and dead I have seen today but I can say it really make me focus even harder on the tests we are doing and I am also trying to get ideas of what else I can do to help instead of only feeling like I am the guinea pig in this world.

Goodnight